Don’t Shoot the Second Arrow
Updated: Oct 30, 2019
When I prepared a workshop for a big automotive OE supplier, I stumbled across the concept of:
Don’t Shoot the Second Arrow.
The concept is about inflicting yourself with unnecessary pain, worries, burdens you call it.
It’s easy to forget this. When we do something silly, we very often judge ourselves for doing so and the affect it is having on us. This judgment is what the Buddha called “shooting the second arrow.”
The first arrow is the initial experience of pain. This could be emotional, psychological, or physical pain. Maybe it’s a result of a difficult event. Or maybe you don’t know the cause and are simply having an “off” day.
When that happens, it’s easy to get upset about this negative feeling-state.
But when we judge ourselves for experiencing negative feelings, it’s like we’re shooting a second arrow right at the spot where the first arrow struck. Which doesn’t merely add a little more pain to the situation. It intensifies the pain 10x!
For example, when we miss our plane, we start blaming, and then build up our frustrations for hours. When our computer breaks down, we become angry and complain for the entire day about how bad the situation is. Or playing golf, have a bad shot and start to worry about the next and next..
This way we blame ourselves or others, resist what is happening, and create mental worries and anxieties about the first arrow. That is what we call the second arrow.
Fortunately, there’s a simple solution to this challenge: don’t shoot the second arrow!
The first arrows in life are unavoidable and, at times, painful. The second arrows, and our suffering, we can minimize through our mindfulness practice and compassion.
So, the next time you find yourself feeling upset, in pain, frustrated, or low-energy…
You could do this:
-find space in your heart to go towards that pain with kindness.
-embrace what’s there with the compassion you’d give to a young child.
-let go of judgments, knowing that it’s 100% okay to experience pain and “off” days.
We recognized that it can be difficult in the moment to face the pain. And it’s easy to underestimate the power of treating yourself with compassion. But by facing it head-on with self-compassion, we’re quick to see the positive results. We care for our needs by working through what’s there. And we become emotionally stronger and more capable of doing the same in the future.
How it works:
Notice, acknowledge, let go of the resistance, find space in your heart, lean into your growth and Flip the script!
Let’s do that.
The story is not about denying our initial reaction, to pretend we are immune from pain. It is about having a choice in how to proceed next. We can’t fire the parts of ourselves we aren’t happy with.
(Ideas from Buddha, Patrick Buggy, Lea Weiss, Brian Bauerle and others)
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